Moving to Concord in the morning. It’s like not even 20 minutes away from Charlotte. So excited to put this past behind me. Only thing that saddens me at the moment is being away from my kids (my god-sons). I won’t see them again till the end of next month, but I should be able to cope with it, I guess.
I think I’m still in love with my ex on the low. We broke up 2 years ago though. Weird? Yeah, I figured.
One thing that I will never take for granted again is a bed. Been sleeping on couches for alittle over a year now.
- I’m more cautious.
- Always thinking about my future instead of my past.
- I’m actually kind of heartless, well not heartless, nah fuck it i’m heartless. But I love hard if that makes any sense.
- Even more damaged now, then I was then.
I don’t know, the “high school me” would be shocked to see me now.
Deactivated my facebook, twitter, & instagram. Not forever, but till I can get my life back in order. & I don’t have a phone either, so unless you have me as a friend on tumblr then it’s kind of like I don’t even exist.
I must admit that it is pretty peaceful when people can’t find you.
I’m in my feelings so badly, but it’s just getting harder & harder to stay strong. I don’t know what to do. I’m losing it. Slowly, but surely.
I try to do things to make my life better, but I’m not getting any happier.
Why do I have to feel like this?
Why am I meant to feel so lonely, un-loved. I’m starting to get back to that place in my life where I just want to drink my life away & hide.
Fuck. Now I’m crying like a little wimp.
I need to SUCK IT UP.
…But I can’t.
Just got off work. Called my baby. She’s sound asleep on the phone right now… Now I’m thinking which is never a good thing.
I want to love her like I think she loves me, but I don’t think I can. I want her to always be on my mind, but she’s not. I easily forget about her sometimes, which worries me because she always wants to plan our future. But how can I plan something so important with someone who that easily forgettable to me?
Don’t get me wrong I love her. I’m just not that in love with her… But I don’t want to lose her.
Am I crazy? Fuck. Why am I even asking that question. I know I’m crazy, psycho even. Fuckity fucksicles.
Geesh! I freaking hate working the “graveyard” shift. It puts me so off-wack. I always have things I would like to accomplish so I try to plan out my day, but it never goes according to plan.
Like for example: I work from 9pm- 5am, I’ll get home & get on tumblr for as long as my eyes will allow, which is like til 8am ish. Then I pass out & won’t get woken up til 3pm ish. Which is basically my whole day! Like fuck! I hate this shit. Never again dude, I promise you that one.
Suppose to be at work right now, but I ended up feeling shit as fuck. I went to the hospital & was there so long that my mom called out for me…
They’re probably going to write me up.
He is going to hurt her. I can feel it. He doesn’t care that she has two little boys to take care of. He wants her to be alone, to only depend on him. I don’t trust him & I never did.
What do I do to help? I want so badly to pack her & the kids up, move them with me to Charlotte. I know she would be safe & he wouldn’t be able to get to her there.
Fuck! What do I do?!
I want to just tell you that I miss you. That I wish I had you back in my life. I wish you missed me like I miss you. I wish you still loved me like I still love you…
It’s such a small word, yet it intrigues me so much. I was just on facebook for like an hour looking at lesbian relationships, and I have realized that love is just so beautiful. I want to experience it in it’s purest form.
I remember when I didn’t believe in love or marriage. It’s crazy how your view of things change as the years go by.
Have you ever felt like people were lieing to you. Not to spare your feelings, but so they could see how much that lie could break you?
Tonight I snapped. I completely lost my temper on a customer. He was just pushing my buttons & I had to let him hold it. It resulted in me calling him every possible name in the book & him telling me that I was going to lose my job over this, he was going to smack me in the face, just a bunch of shit.
I, at one point, was trying to reach over the counter to get him. My manager was trying her hardest to stop me, but my temper had took complete control over me. Fuck! Why couldn’t I have just calmed down. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret anything I said to that customer or how I said it. Fuck that, fuck him. I don’t however really need this job & I would hate to lose it over some little douche.
I don’t know. I fucked up though. Hope I don’t see him for acouple days…
